Decisions, Decisions Or, What Would Unicorn Do?

In our household, probably like any household with kids, the discussion on 'decisions' is a big one. We are trying to teach (while still learning ourselves) how to make good ones, how to learn from bad ones and that sometimes no decision is a decision--and that can be both bad and good.  It can become very confusing.

"So, you made a decision to pour water on your brothers bed?"

"No.  I didn't, my brain did"

"And why do you think your brain made that decision?" 

"Because it wanted to"

"Was that a good or a bad decision?"

"It was a good decision until I got into trouble.  And then it was a bad decision."

Lord help me, but I can understand her logic trail.  It didn't stop us from continuing this conversation about decisions and it was a valiant effort right up until I just told her it was a bad decision and why.  Reasoning with a 6-year old and her brain can be as much of a time and energy suck as well, trying to make the right decision.

I'm not talking about the big moral decisions, with the right groundwork those should be easy.  I'm talking about the little everyday ones.  The ones that Barry Schwartz talks about in his mind-bending book, "The Paradox of Choice".  That in our 21st Century world we have more choice than ever before, but few truly unique ones.  And he is right.  It is exhausting being in a supermarket trying to decide between Shampoo A that will add shine and bounce and Shampoo B that will add luster and volume.  Or the detergent that will soften your hands versus the one with antibacterial or the one for $3.50 more that does both.  And those are the 'easy' decisions what about health care plans, college, retirement funds?  Again millions of choice, very little difference.  He contends that there comes a point where choice becomes debilitating rather than liberating.  He's right.  And lord knows when I'm talking to the kids about choices and decisions, we are all feeling that way, even though we'd probably articulate those feelings differently. Or maybe not...a loud arrrgh, followed by an eye-roll and a dropping of a head onto the ktichen table would probably work for all of us at that point.  Let's hope it doesn't hurt their little heads when they copy Mommy.

So it was with all of this in mind that I found myself sitting at my desk, trying to decide something.  And there it was on my office wall, below the 1992 Hillary Clinton for President t-shirt, with the Leonard Cohen song, 'A Thousand Kisses Deep' on one side and 'The Good Mother' a poem from Husband on the other.  It is a funny little toy called WWUD? (What Would Unicorn Do?).  For the last year it has sat there amusing my kids when they come to the office and, now I believe, oh-so-mutely mocking me for not taking it more seriously.

And I made a decision.  I finally took old Uni down off the wall and spun him, telling myself I'd abide by his decision.  (I have no idea why I assigned Gender, nor really any reason why I made it a he, but never-the-less, here we are).

Back to spinning.  He landed on "Believe in Miracles".  So, I sat for a while trying to earnestly believe in miracles.  Someone would see my coffee on top of my car and bring it to me.  Then a slew of emails came in and suddenly I realized that it was about 90-minutes later and voila!  I was no longer missing my drink!  Miracle! 

A co-worker called not much later and asked me for some help--and I really didn't want to do this.  It was not something that was interesting  AT ALL to me.  But I had somewhat promised to help out.  While he was explaining the details over the phone I secretly spun Uni and he landed on "Majestically Gallop".  So I did.  I sat straighter in my chair and grandly pushed through this project, bringing it to a stately end. Mah-jes-tic!

I was beginning to feel like a happier version of Luke Rhinehardt (he's the narrator and the real author's psuedonym) in the screamingly funny "Dice Man".   A 1971 cult-classic based on the premise of 'letting the dice decide'.  As I remember it didn't end so well for Luke, but hey, I was letting a cute and magical creature decide for me, not a cold, hard die.  The premise is the same though, use a random, completely unbiased object to decide, allowing you the ability to live all sides of your personality.  Talk about freedom!

The next test was lunch.  Eat the veggies I brought with, OR, cross the street and get a sandwhich while reading at the bookstore.  Spun, and...."Leap a Large Ravine".  I interpreted that to mean cross the street.  And so I did, having a very enjoyable sandwhich, diet Dr. Pepper and a chocolate chip cookie while reading for the second time the wonderful, "Hakawati" by Rabih Alameddine.

After lunch, feeling pretty sure of myself I found myself in a position where I could walk away from a discussion, doing what the majority wanted.  OR stand my ground and defend what I thought was a better approach.  (no laughing here for those that know me too well).   Uni, spin!  And spin he did, landing on "Whinny and Rear".  Clearly he meant for me to stand my ground, defend my turf.  And so I did.  And, I did--successfully defend my turf that is. (It really was the right thing to do.)

I could go on forever, but this is a blog post, not a book so I need to quickly wrap this up. But how...the choices are endless? :)

I find myself wondering, in this culture of continuous and often meaningless choice, what would life be like living the freedom of  Uni?  Would I be happy doing something antithectical to the moment because I was given abject permission to do it? What about the bigger, more meaningful decisions?  Would Uni provide me with more time and freedom in my life by taking from me and my brain the pain of choice? 

It's a liberating idea for about a minute, but in the end the idea only works on a page.  Why?  Well, first, it's a Unicorn for Pete's sake.  Second, and more terminal,  I'm a pansy:  I don't have enough guts to walk around with a 'spin the unicorn' placard.  And third, in all seriousness, I believe the how, what and why of your choices do define you--from the supermarket aisle to the voting booth, to your brothers bedroom with a jar of water.  Whether the consequences last a second or a liftime, they are still a representation of who you were in that moment, and that shouldn't be lost. 

So, the 'decision discussions' will continue on the home front.  And, Uni is now back on my wall, in the same place, but with one difference.  He is now fixed to be constantly pointing at "Race The Wind", which, in my book, is a damn good thought for any one on any day.