I'm not sure how it came off to the other people in the meeting, but looking back I'm prety sure it was, without a doubt, a rediculous sight. Yes, the moment I nonchalantly powered up my iPhone during a meeting, as we all are wont to do when things get slow, only to have it flash a message to "see my ob" as I was probably pregnant. The eek!, the dropped phone, the scrabbling under the table to pick it up, the hitting of my head on the underside of the table, the stand up, the sit down (fight, fight, fight! say the cheerleaders).
Eventually I got out of the meeting, into the ladies room and, with a couple of deep breaths, assessed my reality. "I", I announce to the bathroom, "am not pregnant!" "There is no possibility I am with child!" I say again (dramatic language supplied by Regency Romances). "No friggin chance," I say, looking at myself sideways in the mirror--which was, quite frankly, not helpful at all.
Back to the phone, the message is still there. I do some sliding and tapping and voila! My phone now confirms for me that I am not pregnant. Duh!
But to be fair, it wasn't the fault of my iPhone. All blame, without a doubt, should be placed entirely on my husband's shoulders. Oh, not the pregnancy, because there isn't one, believe me. (He was getting snipped before our youngest was barely cleaned up.) But everything else? Absolutely! You see, now that he's got his iPhone, he is the King of Apps. He's always showing me this cool one or that helpful one and today at lunch, it was the one that "helps you with your period." Frankly, I should have thought this statement through a bit, mostly because on this subject, I define "help" vastly different than he does.
Anyway, this app, which I admit I promptly downloaded, tracks your cycle for you, complete with happy and sad faces for good and bad days---and lightning bolts for crampy days--just in case you don't notice them yourself. I tried it out by entering some data and then, realizing what time it was, scampered off to my meetings for the afternoon. Two hours later, because of this hurried, incomplete data, I scared myself--and probably a few others--silly.
Look, I love my iPhone, don't get me wrong, but haven't we gone a little ape with the apps? According to 148apps.biz, "the" reputable site on all things Apple, there are currently 98,401 ACTIVE apps, with another 10,156 inactive ones--created by over 23,000 unique app publishers. We spend, believe it or not, $2.4 billion per year on apps according to AdMob. I have to ask: Were we, as a human race, that needful of help or entertainment? Were we missing opportunities, experiences, or dare I say it, pregnancies because we did not have the right app? Or were we not maximizing, enhancing, tracking, journaling or mashing our lives up enough?
And how much more inefficient or stressed are we with all of this now in our lives? If I download enough apps, it makes sense that I'll eventually have to download an app organizing app, right? If I don't, I'll likely get stressed because I won't be able to find anything. But luckily for me, there are a number of highly rated stress-busting apps...which once I download, I'll not be able to find as I did not purchase the app organizing app.
aarrrgh.
Luckily for me, in my real life there is always the yummilicious husband at home who, when the time is right, the kids are asleep, the dog isn't barking and the shower isn't leaking, is my own free "de stresser app". And, if he needs a little kick-start, there is always the highly rated, fully customizeable foreplay game "Sexytime Fun Pro" that we can download onto my iPhone.
Which is, I believe, right where this all started.
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