Ch- Ch- Ch- Ch- Changes, or Not

On the way to her first day of second grade I was a-joshin' and a-jokin' my daughter because she looked and sounded grumpy.  She sounded grumpy a little louder and so I told her I was trying to get her to smile and be happy on this, her first day of second grade.

"Yeah, like that's gonna happen, Mom."  Sarcasm, drip, drip, drippin' with each of her little steps.

Ahh....I guess things haven't changed that much.  Because that's what I was afraid of...things changing.  So, with her attitude firmly in tow, my daughter left me at her classroom door feeling happy and secure.

At the dinner table...even more security!  My son made new friends and could tell us that they were all democrats and were into music.  My daughter's new friends set themselves apart, one because he dressed really cool and the other because they had a "cool dead tooth".  She with her red striped hair fit right into the little group.

And now, my son is singing about going to school tomorrow and my daughter is grumping about getting up early. He's reviewing his math, she's writing her reading minutes in her reading log.  She's got tomorrow's outfit selected and he's only planning on changing out his socks from today's outfit.

Sighhhh, normality.  Happiness is me.

You see, I'm not actually that good with change.  It makes me feel uneasy, out of control.  Not necessarily a good thing either as a parent or in, well, any career. I first noticed this when I was in school.  In elementary school, I felt I would get used to one teacher and then the next year, a different one with a different approach. I would worry about not doing well, that I would do something wrong.

Then, as I became a bigger reader, I found I was more comfortable with historical novels (still am today) than with those that "looked forward", like Orwell's 1984, Aldous Huxley's Brave New World and Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451.  All books about a dystopian future--places I know I wouldn't do that well, quite frankly.  I hated reading them...I could never get comfortable in their skins.

And while time and experience has taught me that change isn't as scary as I make it out to be, making it easier for me to work through, I find myself happier when I'm realizing that things haven't changed as much as I've feared. 

This is not the best role-modeling, I know. And I definately don't want it to be one of the things I pass on to my kids.  But then I glance at my bookshelf and you can see Rubicon by Tom Holland and almost any biography of John Adams, Jefferson, Roosevelt and more.  With fiction, I see The Children's Book by AS Byatt,  The Help by Kathryn Stockett, heck even the romances I read are typically Regency.  I'm surrounded by the past, very little present and absolutely no future.

Now I know these two things probably are loosely tied, if at all. Or maybe not...maybe they are very closely tied together.  Who knows?  Regardless, it is the way I am and is my comfort zone.

So, baby steps...new school year, new things:  tonight, my daughter and I have embarked on reading Gregor the Overlander together.  While ostensibly set in present day, I can pretend it's set in the future and feel like I'm going hog wild in the change department. 

Which is all I can handle given that my son didn't turn bright red tonight when asked about new girls in his class...a definate portending of big changes a-comin'.

Gulp.