One Is NOT the Loneliest Number. Well It Is, But That Can Be A Good Thing

Being a "one of one" and "one of many" has been a constant struggle in my life.  Early on I grew to love the act of being alone.  You'd think being on a ranch miles from anyone and anywhere it would be easy, but with two brothers and two sisters and constant chores it was rare.  But I was driven and sneaky and found ways to slip away with snacks and books and discovered, as listed in an earlier installment, a number of great places on and around the Ranch where I could just be alone and quiet.  Angst or anger would drain away and then I could go back to the pentultimate "loud" family and play my role as loud and happy as the rest.

At college it was practically impossible--and then I grew to love the comraderie of a small but wonderful group of people who were able to see more than my periodic bullshit.

After college I found the quiet again...then lost it with a vengeance, thinking that I shouldn't like being by myself so often.  I found myself at places and with people when I really wanted to just be at home...and at times, I really should have listened to myself on that one. 

Looking back I married the perfect person--as he himself will often say to this day that he doesn't actually like people much, which is so wrong, because he is a charming and thoughtful conversationalist.  Pre-children we were close and cozy, very happy to be just the two of us.   

Now with two active children who Karma has vengefully decided are social animals (and with friends come their parents...who knew?!) and after we make time for us as a couple (which according to our counselor, we maybe shouldn't be in each other's pockets so much...what?!  I love his little pockets.), we sometimes find ourselves competing to see who can have that hour or two, or a real 1/2 day or (gasp) full day alone.  A-lone.  aLOne. Alllloooooonnne. 

Not only because we want the peace and quiet...although it definately is a part of it.  But because sometimes you need both the physical and emotional space to just get certain things done.  Not shopping or errands.  But real things--things that matter.  Personally, I do my best 'self-editinig' as I'm organizing the office or doing bills.  Walking through the house alone and fiddling with the bookshelves is when I'm best at figuring out why I'm on-edge for no apparent reason.  Dead-heading the flower garden without being asked to time this race or watch that amazing skateboard trick or answer whatever odd question popped into my daughters active brain is when I can plan the various household movements of the next month...getting it emotionally organized so to speak.  When I'm travelling, I love eating alone in a nice restaurant with a book and a place to make a list...this is when I create my own "big ideas for my life" list.  It is satisfying on many levels.

And, we are trying to teach this to our children.  Far past the age where any of their friends are forced to endure "quite time" it is something we try to do a couple of times per week--everybody needs to find a space, no electronics except music, and just "be".  It's easier for our son than our daughter--she fights it like she fights sleeping--but eventually she gets there and it's amazing.  The creativity or self-reflection we see later is a thing of beauty--and quite often hysterically funny.

I mention all of this because I ran across this article in the New York Times yesterday:  Embracing a Life of Solitude.  While they focus on the extreme cases--and the only young person mentioned quit for lack of women--you do get a sense of the pleasure these folks find in a life away.  And's for me, that's the key thing--a life or a moment or two away is a good thing--especially in today's overly connected world.  (I say this while mocking myself as I've got one eye on the damn Facebook chat bar where I have three people pinging me.)

Anyway, so while I don't have full day to myself until September 17, 2012 at 3:45,  I am looking forward to the 15 minute drive home, and Saturday morning from 9:45 to 10:30 when hubby will be out picking up the children from their sleepovers. I have big plans for myself then.  Big Plans.